The Change Starts With Me

It started out as a simple Sunday afternoon trip to one of my favorite restaurants, Cracker Barrel. Every Sunday the special is one of my favorites, Homestyle Chicken, and whether I eat in or take out I always look forward to when I get a chance to stop in there. It had been a particularly good morning getting up and going to church, hearing a good lesson and seeing smiling faces. On this particularly pretty day it seemed like one of those “Mayberry” types of days where a good meal could be followed by a nice afternoon of watching football or taking a nice walk around the park.

But it wasn’t....in fact something happened that day and again later in the week that are perfect examples of what is wrong with our society. And that my friends, is what I want to write about today. I know I am not the first, and pretty sure not the last to make these observations, but for now you are stuck with my column.

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So let’s rewind backwards to last Sunday and start there. I had pulled into the parking lot of Cracker Barrel and as most of you probably already know finding a parking space there at lunch time is its own test of will and patience. Luckily for me I had waited till a little after 1 PM so the crowd had thinned out a little and there were a couple of parking spots open. I pulled to the parking spot that had just come open right “on the front row” and was getting ready to pull in when I noticed an elderly gentleman and his wife coming my direction looking for that same spot. Now my immediate reaction was “first-come, first serve”....but something inside of me kicked in (I can always hear my conscience I just sometimes deny it) and made me drive to the 3rd row where I pulled into the open spot there. I padded my ego by telling myself that not only did I do the right thing, but that I am sure I would get brownie points at my next Dr’s visit by telling him I walked that extra 20 or 30 feet.

Climbing out of my truck I smiled as I passed by the elderly gentleman who smiled back at me as he helped his wife out of the car. Stopping to let a car go by, I then walked up to the door, turned around to see if anyone was behind me, and noticed the elderly couple slowly but surely making their way to the door. Knowing that I wasn’t in any hurry that afternoon, I stood there waiting and holding the door open. I was feeling particularly good about myself at that time (thinking I’m building up some good karma today) when out of the corner of my vision came a young couple scurrying in just ahead of gentleman friend and his wife. Now, the kind person in me wanted to believe they were just in a hurry to get inside because they were late for meeting someone. At the very least I think I should have heard a “thank you” as they whisked by me....but not a peep from either of them. And the remarks I heard them say while waiting for the Hostess to seat them didn’t make soothe my anger at their behavior.

So let’s fast forward to Wednesday around lunchtime. I decided to take a walk from the office to grab a fast food lunch at the downtown Mall. While waiting in line at the Chick-Fil-A, a man in an “Arrest Bush” t-shirt decided to walk to the counter and engage the Manager on duty about the recent Chick-Fil-A controversy. Never mind those of us who were in line either to be waited on or served our food, his moment to engage the Manager was more important. To the Managers credit he politely answered him, went about directing his staff and the rude gentleman went on his merry way. Now, I am all for everyone’s right to express their beliefs in the proper place and time, but not while you are affecting others ungraciously. (Just for arguments sake...had he stood in line like the rest of us, I might not have been so irritated. But I guess he felt he didn’t have to)

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I’m not sure whether it’s just this season of nasty politics or the normal lack of personal decorum lately that has me more irritated, but it seems we are a generation lost in a lack of pure decency. Everywhere you look these days we find behavior that should be considered intolerable. What happened to the idea of treating people with respect and dignity? Or acting like civility and humility are characteristics of good people? What happened to the idea we can have a good discussion or debates without resorting to character assassination?

You can’t walk around the block, visit your favorite web page or even try buying a meal at a fast food restaurant these days without being bombarded with what I label “guerilla warfare politics”. Hit fast, hit hard and assess the damage later. Don’t agree with someone? Throw a label on them and you’ve “won”! In our present generation it seems the more outrageous the behavior the more we look the other way or just rationalize it.

It’s not a moral compass we need to find....its just plain and simple human decency! I’m tired of hearing people use the phrase “we need to find our better angels”, when in fact all we need to do is remember who the better person is inside all of us.

And before any of you rightfully point it out to me, I’m just as guilty as the next person. But for some reason it’s started bothering me more because as a parent I think we have taught all the wrong values to the next generation.

So....how do we fix this trend? How do we change what has become “acceptable” behavior and get back to setting the example for others by practicing kindness and humility. Now for those who have already snickered and thought to yourselves, “what a Pollyanna”....I don’t disagree. We didn’t get this way overnight and there’s no way that we get back to truly acceptable behavior overnight.

I think first we start with ourselves and then look no further. Ask yourself, “What am I tolerating now that shouldn’t be considered acceptable”? Do you smile and laugh when an inappropriate comment is made about an overweight person, a person with special needs, or someone whose situation is less fortunate that yours? Do you feel so sure that you are completely right about something that you refuse to see the possibility that someone else has a perfectly acceptable contrasting opinion? Do you feel like the only way to “win” is by resorting name-calling and labeling?

Nothing has turned me off more this year than our coveted political process. By nature political elections are a contrast in ideas and values and will always bring about some discourse. But it seems these days the election is less about who has the better direction for America and more about who has the best campaign strategy to denigrate your opponent. As a still undecided voter I can honestly say the personal attacks on both sides of the table are not making me any more comfortable that either candidate is the right person. And even more honestly, it’s not just the campaign strategists who seemed to have taken a leap off the cliff of sanity, it’s “we the people”. I’d actually just once like to visit my Facebook page without having to wade thru the endless barrage of posts telling me a somewhat slanted version of “the truth”.....or to see someone’s innocent post asking a harmless but honest question turn into a litany of put-downs by both sides of the ledger. I’d like to see less of my radio and television airwaves being littered with commentary from both sides of the argument that have more to do with put-downs than facts.

But it’s not just the political bickering that needs a change. It’s the 2 recent events in my life that made me stop and think...”just what is wrong with us?” I’d like to think that more people are like me now wondering what happened to the kinder, gentler person in all of us. Determination and hard work are highly important traits in all, but is it really necessary to climb over the backs of others to get there? Isn’t there enough room for us all to enjoy a decent life without having to make others feel less of themselves so we can feel better about ourselves?

There are way too many real struggles in life we face as human beings. Let’s find a way to keep kindness and civility from becoming a struggle, and more a normal way of behaving.

And maybe...just maybe.... by being just a little more human we will find the answers to some of the other issues that are truly more important.

And for me, I think I’ll try to remember to practice tomorrow what I am preaching today. The change starts with me.