I cried.....and I hope she understands.
You know, as Dads we always try to keep the strong side showing. We always want our daughters to see us as the anchor...someone they can come to when they need strength. But there I was, trying to hide the tears as the first bars of Pomp and Circumstance began to play and I watched my daughter march down the aisle as one of the Valedictorians of her class.
Beautiful as ever in her blue cap and gown, there she was with her cords and medals signifying her academic achievements hanging around her neck, a testament to all her diligent work in high school. A feeling of pride and a softball size lump in my throat welled up as she took her first steps into her next road in life. You could almost see the confidence starting to shine in her as she walked down the aisle to the front row.
The graduation was beautiful....from the music by the great Scott County band, to the speech by the Class President, to the traditional singing of “My Old Kentucky Home” by the Senior Members of the Singers and Chorus from the Scott County High School Choir. While Kentucky may not be my place of birth, living here the last 7 years has let its people and beauty grow on me.
In the 2 hours of the ceremony, my mind drifted in and out of how she has grown from the shy young girl entering a new school in a new town, to the confident young lady who was graduating yesterday. And now....in just a few months she heads off to college to take on her next challenge.
As I watched her yesterday taking pictures with her friends and classmates, I couldn’t help but smile along with her. She has so a bright future....and the only boundaries are those she might set for herself.
There are so many things I want to tell her...but there is time. For now all I wanted was for her to know how proud her Mother and I were of her and all her hard work.
And to try not to let her see me cry....
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Sunday, April 20, 2014
To The “Class of ‘74”….and more
Part 2 of 4
Freshman Year
The weeks passed by and it seemed each day I became more at ease. I made new friends and school seemed to be less the fearsome thing it had appeared before. I remember lunch and sitting at the table with Buddy Bunch, Randall Davis and a few other guys. Buddy was the first person to introduce me to putting potato chips on my bologna sandwich, something I still do to this very day. Randall tried to talk me into sipping my milk thru my nose…although he never tried it himself.
Football came and went (thankfully for our not-so-talented squad) and basketball took over. And with that came my first meeting with Coach Curtis. To this day I still remember his staccato-like responses to questions/teachings on the court. He was a demanding, yet somewhat kind person, but expected “the best” from you each time. Make a mistake once, and he seemed calm, twice he “gently” reminded you…a third time meant you did some time running to help you remember.
What was worse for me is that he was friends with Coach Michael, and would sometimes stop by Coach Michael’s General Science class during basketball season. I started to believe at some point it was to chide both Donnie Hannah and myself…but one visit wasn’t so nice.
Remember the broken window I talked about earlier? The one in Speech Class/Homeroom?
Funny thing about Coaches…..they are a clan, and they keep tabs on their students back then. My seat end was still smarting from the day before and my visit to Coach Shepherd’s office for my swat after breaking the window. The bell had rung and normally class started immediately, but not today. In looking back now I should have known something was coming by the look on Coach Michael’s face. He had that grin, that one that always told you he knew something you didn’t and it wasn’t ever going to turn out well for you.
“Mr. Kilgore” I heard him say….”you have a visitor who would like to speak with you.”
I turned to look….it was Coach Curtis wielding Coach’s Michael's paddle.
“Mr. Kilgore, would you like to step out into the hallway so we can speak about a certain incident from yesterday”.
At that point the lump in my throat felt like I had tried to swallow a golf ball and sweat was pouring out of me like I was under cross examination by the IRS. I hesitated…hoping.
“Come on Mr. Kilgore…if I have to ask again the wind sprints you did last night will seem like a walk in the park compared to what you will be doing during practice this afternoon.”
I got up and walked out to a chorus of “ooh’s and ahh’s” and of course Donnie Hannah telling me “it was good to know you Mark.”
I stepped into the hallway with my knees shaking, pondering what was coming next. Little did I know that I was going to be part of a ruse. When we were out of sight of the classroom Coach Curtis handed me a thick history book and told me to hold my hands flat as he placed it on them. He told me to make sure not to move that it wouldn’t hurt if I just kept my hands flat and solid. Coach Michael was standing at the door to the classroom, “witnessing” the incident. Coach Curtis then said in a loud voice, "this is what happens when one of my players gets sent to Coach Shepherds office for a behavior issue."
And with that he came down hard on the book…making a very loud “smack’ that brought a chorus of shock from the General Science class, sure that I wasn’t going to be able to sit. Coach Michael even made a facial expression that enhanced the shock for everyone.
Coach Michael left the doorway and joined Coach Curtis right near me. For the next couple of minutes they talked with me quietly about what had happened the day before. They both explained they knew the circumstances and understood what I had been trying to do, but that I should have used common sense and not taken the course I did. They expected more of me….and wouldn’t tolerate anything like that happening again. And with that Coach Curtis turned to leave…turned back around and said, “we’ll discuss this more tonight at practice”.
I looked at Coach Michael, he smiled and then said:
“Let’s stay here for a moment for effect….let people think about it a little more”
That day I got the message….and so did a couple of other people.
Oh….and as for the admonition that Coach Curtis gave me before leaving? I found out what it was like to run the stairs in the Lewis Junior High School gym while the rest of the team was practicing.
**********************************************************************************************
The only other time I got to visit Coach Shepherd’s office that year wasn’t my fault. Really, it wasn’t. The story is too embarrassing to tell. Maybe if I see you at the reunion I will tell you.
**********************************************************************************************
The rest of the year seemed to fly by.
Basketball came and went. Spring came and I had hoped to play baseball, but alas Freshmen weren’t allowed to play on the Varsity in those days. So I needed something to fill my spare time and got roped into doing the Freshman play, “Up The Down Staircase”.
Being in Ms. Reeves Speech Class in 6th hour, we weren’t really given a choice whether we wanted to try out or not. It was part of our grade in class….not the play, trying out. If you gave it a half-hearted attempt you were going to get marked down , and it could affect your overall grade.
I had been in several plays in grade school, never really more than background characters. I remember once in grade school one of the teachers wanted to do a play about “bad boys” who wouldn’t learn. I was one of the “bad boys” who came to learn that “school was cool”. Luckily the play closed after one night. I also remember a “serio-comedy” that Randy and I got chosen to do during the Spring Play only because the play was about brothers. In the play, Randy was the character playing the serious Romeo, and my character was the younger brother who, due to the illness of the lead female character who was to play Juliet, was forced to ad-lib Juliet’s lines. It was great…and a shame we never did something like that again….Randy was always a great “straight guy” to my comedian.
But back to the story at hand…..I remember my audition. I swear I wasn’t really even trying to get the part. I knew if I did I would take a ribbing by my jock friends for being in the play. But yet….no matter how much I downplayed it, I got the part of Dr. Bester, the codger of a Principal for the school. And boy, was I right about the ribbing….everything from “is it fun to wear make-up” to “you know, that gray looks good on you, even at this age”.
The odd part about that play….once we started rehearsal, I really enjoyed my role. The stodgy, stuffy, Dr. Bester was perfect for me. Not many lines, a character you loved to hate, and a guy who with no real reason to, thought he was charming to the lady teachers. (I think in reality I felt just like him, because when it came to ladies, I had all the savior-faire of a bull moose in a china shop)
There were a lot of great memories from that year of making new friends.
And there were a few mischievous things too. Anyone remember tormenting Mr. Bowman when we would hum during his English Class.
I remember a Secret Admirer….and secretly admiring someone(s). And my first experience of having an “out of town” girlfriend.
I remember going to the High School Football games on Friday night and walking around with the rest of the jocks, only occasionally sitting down long enough to chat for a few minutes before getting up to “cruise” to see who else was there.
I remember how, during basketball season when we had away games, a bunch of us would pool our money and go to the A&P grocery to pick up stuff to take with us to eat after the game.
And I remember in the Spring during baseball season, instead of riding the bus home, I would grab a hamburger wherever I could and head to Siloam Field. I would sit on the ground on the top of the hill and watch the HS baseball team play, wistfully wishing I could be out there on the field. When I was young, and even in Jr. High/High School, baseball was my escape….and it was my first love. I bet I bugged Coach Michael a thousand times in class just to let me just practice with them. And he would smile and say….wait your turn will come.
It was a year of making new friends, and drifting away from some of those I had grown up with.
I had just been lucky enough to be interviewed to appear for the school newspaper, Tiger Tales. While I saw it as pretty cool, I took a lot of good-natured ribbing for my “not really all that cool” answers to the “hard hitting’ questions. (It wasn’t the reporter’s fault….she had decent questions, I just had the “not so cool” answers)
I remember for some reason, not disciplinary, I was sitting in class talking to Coach Michael. We were talking just general topics, mostly about whether or not I had enjoyed my first year at Excelsior Springs. I told him that although it had it’s up and down moments , it wasn’t scary as I thought it was going to be. And that I really enjoyed all the new set of friends I had made….but, there was this one thing.
Puzzled, Coach Michael looked at me and asked….”so what was it that you didn’t really like.”
I said…”you know Coach, while I love watching football, playing it didn’t really seem to be as much fun as I thought. I wasn’t really all that good, and seeing the guys on Varsity who are much bigger than me, I am sure I will get killed. I just want to play basketball and baseball next year.”
I remember it distinctly…..he had been leaning back in his chair taking it all in. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees and said…
“ Mark….if you really didn’t enjoy football all that much then don’t play. But can I tell you something…I think it’s a big mistake. I could tell you all the things coaches normally tell you about playing sports and being in shape all year. I could tell you that you’re still just a Freshman and that with a little work in the summer, you could get enough muscle to be able to hold your own.”
“But that’s not the real reasons you should play. You love playing sports….and being part of a team. And that’s where you made most of your friends this year. And you will regret it if you don’t.”
And he was right….for all the fun I had that year, the one thing that defined me becoming who I was, it was sports. I wasn’t all that great at football my Freshman year but I had fun….I finally learned how to dribble a basketball without having to look at it….I actually even learned (somewhat weakly) how to do a right handed layup.
But what I learned more than anything else that year was that I loved playing sports….being on a team, win or lose, and trying my best. I made friendships that lasted for years….they produced great memories….and playing sports helped me to understand the concept of Team, not the individual.
And more than anything… football produced the one thing that has lasted a lifetime for me.
My 15 minutes of Fame… and the beloved nickname that has followed me all my life.
Next up:
Part 3….The Legend of Golden Toe
Freshman Year
The weeks passed by and it seemed each day I became more at ease. I made new friends and school seemed to be less the fearsome thing it had appeared before. I remember lunch and sitting at the table with Buddy Bunch, Randall Davis and a few other guys. Buddy was the first person to introduce me to putting potato chips on my bologna sandwich, something I still do to this very day. Randall tried to talk me into sipping my milk thru my nose…although he never tried it himself.
Football came and went (thankfully for our not-so-talented squad) and basketball took over. And with that came my first meeting with Coach Curtis. To this day I still remember his staccato-like responses to questions/teachings on the court. He was a demanding, yet somewhat kind person, but expected “the best” from you each time. Make a mistake once, and he seemed calm, twice he “gently” reminded you…a third time meant you did some time running to help you remember.
What was worse for me is that he was friends with Coach Michael, and would sometimes stop by Coach Michael’s General Science class during basketball season. I started to believe at some point it was to chide both Donnie Hannah and myself…but one visit wasn’t so nice.
Remember the broken window I talked about earlier? The one in Speech Class/Homeroom?
Funny thing about Coaches…..they are a clan, and they keep tabs on their students back then. My seat end was still smarting from the day before and my visit to Coach Shepherd’s office for my swat after breaking the window. The bell had rung and normally class started immediately, but not today. In looking back now I should have known something was coming by the look on Coach Michael’s face. He had that grin, that one that always told you he knew something you didn’t and it wasn’t ever going to turn out well for you.
“Mr. Kilgore” I heard him say….”you have a visitor who would like to speak with you.”
I turned to look….it was Coach Curtis wielding Coach’s Michael's paddle.
“Mr. Kilgore, would you like to step out into the hallway so we can speak about a certain incident from yesterday”.
At that point the lump in my throat felt like I had tried to swallow a golf ball and sweat was pouring out of me like I was under cross examination by the IRS. I hesitated…hoping.
“Come on Mr. Kilgore…if I have to ask again the wind sprints you did last night will seem like a walk in the park compared to what you will be doing during practice this afternoon.”
I got up and walked out to a chorus of “ooh’s and ahh’s” and of course Donnie Hannah telling me “it was good to know you Mark.”
I stepped into the hallway with my knees shaking, pondering what was coming next. Little did I know that I was going to be part of a ruse. When we were out of sight of the classroom Coach Curtis handed me a thick history book and told me to hold my hands flat as he placed it on them. He told me to make sure not to move that it wouldn’t hurt if I just kept my hands flat and solid. Coach Michael was standing at the door to the classroom, “witnessing” the incident. Coach Curtis then said in a loud voice, "this is what happens when one of my players gets sent to Coach Shepherds office for a behavior issue."
And with that he came down hard on the book…making a very loud “smack’ that brought a chorus of shock from the General Science class, sure that I wasn’t going to be able to sit. Coach Michael even made a facial expression that enhanced the shock for everyone.
Coach Michael left the doorway and joined Coach Curtis right near me. For the next couple of minutes they talked with me quietly about what had happened the day before. They both explained they knew the circumstances and understood what I had been trying to do, but that I should have used common sense and not taken the course I did. They expected more of me….and wouldn’t tolerate anything like that happening again. And with that Coach Curtis turned to leave…turned back around and said, “we’ll discuss this more tonight at practice”.
I looked at Coach Michael, he smiled and then said:
“Let’s stay here for a moment for effect….let people think about it a little more”
That day I got the message….and so did a couple of other people.
Oh….and as for the admonition that Coach Curtis gave me before leaving? I found out what it was like to run the stairs in the Lewis Junior High School gym while the rest of the team was practicing.
**********************************************************************************************
The only other time I got to visit Coach Shepherd’s office that year wasn’t my fault. Really, it wasn’t. The story is too embarrassing to tell. Maybe if I see you at the reunion I will tell you.
**********************************************************************************************
The rest of the year seemed to fly by.
Basketball came and went. Spring came and I had hoped to play baseball, but alas Freshmen weren’t allowed to play on the Varsity in those days. So I needed something to fill my spare time and got roped into doing the Freshman play, “Up The Down Staircase”.
Being in Ms. Reeves Speech Class in 6th hour, we weren’t really given a choice whether we wanted to try out or not. It was part of our grade in class….not the play, trying out. If you gave it a half-hearted attempt you were going to get marked down , and it could affect your overall grade.
I had been in several plays in grade school, never really more than background characters. I remember once in grade school one of the teachers wanted to do a play about “bad boys” who wouldn’t learn. I was one of the “bad boys” who came to learn that “school was cool”. Luckily the play closed after one night. I also remember a “serio-comedy” that Randy and I got chosen to do during the Spring Play only because the play was about brothers. In the play, Randy was the character playing the serious Romeo, and my character was the younger brother who, due to the illness of the lead female character who was to play Juliet, was forced to ad-lib Juliet’s lines. It was great…and a shame we never did something like that again….Randy was always a great “straight guy” to my comedian.
But back to the story at hand…..I remember my audition. I swear I wasn’t really even trying to get the part. I knew if I did I would take a ribbing by my jock friends for being in the play. But yet….no matter how much I downplayed it, I got the part of Dr. Bester, the codger of a Principal for the school. And boy, was I right about the ribbing….everything from “is it fun to wear make-up” to “you know, that gray looks good on you, even at this age”.
The odd part about that play….once we started rehearsal, I really enjoyed my role. The stodgy, stuffy, Dr. Bester was perfect for me. Not many lines, a character you loved to hate, and a guy who with no real reason to, thought he was charming to the lady teachers. (I think in reality I felt just like him, because when it came to ladies, I had all the savior-faire of a bull moose in a china shop)
There were a lot of great memories from that year of making new friends.
And there were a few mischievous things too. Anyone remember tormenting Mr. Bowman when we would hum during his English Class.
I remember a Secret Admirer….and secretly admiring someone(s). And my first experience of having an “out of town” girlfriend.
I remember going to the High School Football games on Friday night and walking around with the rest of the jocks, only occasionally sitting down long enough to chat for a few minutes before getting up to “cruise” to see who else was there.
I remember how, during basketball season when we had away games, a bunch of us would pool our money and go to the A&P grocery to pick up stuff to take with us to eat after the game.
And I remember in the Spring during baseball season, instead of riding the bus home, I would grab a hamburger wherever I could and head to Siloam Field. I would sit on the ground on the top of the hill and watch the HS baseball team play, wistfully wishing I could be out there on the field. When I was young, and even in Jr. High/High School, baseball was my escape….and it was my first love. I bet I bugged Coach Michael a thousand times in class just to let me just practice with them. And he would smile and say….wait your turn will come.
It was a year of making new friends, and drifting away from some of those I had grown up with.
I had just been lucky enough to be interviewed to appear for the school newspaper, Tiger Tales. While I saw it as pretty cool, I took a lot of good-natured ribbing for my “not really all that cool” answers to the “hard hitting’ questions. (It wasn’t the reporter’s fault….she had decent questions, I just had the “not so cool” answers)
I remember for some reason, not disciplinary, I was sitting in class talking to Coach Michael. We were talking just general topics, mostly about whether or not I had enjoyed my first year at Excelsior Springs. I told him that although it had it’s up and down moments , it wasn’t scary as I thought it was going to be. And that I really enjoyed all the new set of friends I had made….but, there was this one thing.
Puzzled, Coach Michael looked at me and asked….”so what was it that you didn’t really like.”
I said…”you know Coach, while I love watching football, playing it didn’t really seem to be as much fun as I thought. I wasn’t really all that good, and seeing the guys on Varsity who are much bigger than me, I am sure I will get killed. I just want to play basketball and baseball next year.”
I remember it distinctly…..he had been leaning back in his chair taking it all in. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees and said…
“ Mark….if you really didn’t enjoy football all that much then don’t play. But can I tell you something…I think it’s a big mistake. I could tell you all the things coaches normally tell you about playing sports and being in shape all year. I could tell you that you’re still just a Freshman and that with a little work in the summer, you could get enough muscle to be able to hold your own.”
“But that’s not the real reasons you should play. You love playing sports….and being part of a team. And that’s where you made most of your friends this year. And you will regret it if you don’t.”
And he was right….for all the fun I had that year, the one thing that defined me becoming who I was, it was sports. I wasn’t all that great at football my Freshman year but I had fun….I finally learned how to dribble a basketball without having to look at it….I actually even learned (somewhat weakly) how to do a right handed layup.
But what I learned more than anything else that year was that I loved playing sports….being on a team, win or lose, and trying my best. I made friendships that lasted for years….they produced great memories….and playing sports helped me to understand the concept of Team, not the individual.
And more than anything… football produced the one thing that has lasted a lifetime for me.
My 15 minutes of Fame… and the beloved nickname that has followed me all my life.
Next up:
Part 3….The Legend of Golden Toe
Monday, April 14, 2014
To The “Class of ‘74”….and more
Part 1 of 4
Freshman Year
I remember the first time I stepped off the bus at Lewis Junior High School….like most of us who came from Mosby I was a bit nervous about going to the much bigger school district. All my life there had been mostly my 14 fellow grade school classmates in our small country school. Now I was going to a school where my Freshmen classmates numbered more in the 350 to 400 range. And more chilling to me was that I assumed most of them already knew each other well. I was thinking how I just knew I was going to stick out and would be the proverbial foible to pranks by some of my new classmates.
But a funny thing happened on my way into school…you see, every Saturday morning from the time I was 6 and could pick up a bowling ball, my dad took my older brother Randy and I to bowl in the Prep/Junior bowling league at the old Y-Bowl. And there I had met and made friends who I had bowled with all those years. Imagine my relief when I saw several of those same people trudging into school recognizing me and saying “hello”. And it made it easier when a couple of those same people not only had a locker near me (especially since I had never encountered a locker before Junior High) but also had 1st Hour with me.
That first day seemed so surreal…the fears of being lost in the crowd subsided when, as I went to each new class, I was introduced to someone new. It seemed, for once, being the new kid in class actually was a good thing. There were no preconceived notions of who I was save for the teachers who were sure I would be like my older and much smarter brother Randy. (Boy were they wrong)
So here we were…the Class of ’74 in our Freshman year.
For some, like me, it was a year of big changes. For others, life was the same as always.
People who know me now cannot believe that when I was younger I was a shy young kid. I always drifted to the back of the crowd….hiding in fear of being recognized or ridiculed if I stood out or spoke up. When they ask me what changed that, I always blame several things….
Freshman Speech Class/Home Room.
Think back Class of ’74 members….if you had Ms. Reeves Speech Class our Freshman year and it was also your Home Room, you are responsible for my change from a shy young lad to the rather outgoing personality whom you see now. (I remember many of you so you can’t escape with a not guilty plea)
Well, that and Football/Baseball. But we can talk about those later.
You see, it was there that I lost my fear of being me, not just Randy Kilgore’s younger brother. And for that I am thankful….somehow, in all this new scenery I was just Mark.
It was there I made my very first Speech in front of class…by myself…knees knocking and all. And I neither threw up, nor ran from the room in fear. (I remember when I ran for Student Council Secretary in HS and had to give a speech in Assembly I used all the things we learned is Speech Class)
It was from that class that I got my very first important role in a school play. (Remember “Up The Down Staircase”?)
And it was in that class I got my very first threat to have my head dunked in the toilet.
I got my very first swat with a paddle from Mr. Shepherd when Shelby Smith and I fought over closing one of the windows on a cold Winter day. (And that wasn’t the only punishment I got that day for that transgression…but once again we can talk about that later)
But in reality it wasn’t really just the Speech Class….you all just built the foundation.
Freshman Sports…
We never really had any organized sports growing up in Mosby, save for the town baseball team that we all played in during the summer. So, imagine my bewilderment when I walked into the locker room to put on my practice pads for football.
First…I had never seen a real locker room, nor did I have a clue about what all the pads you had to wear as part of your uniform were for. (Found out the first day how important a cup and hip pads were)
We got all the leftover equipment from the Varsity squad, so you can imagine what a rag-tag group we looked like as we put on our uniforms. Sliding on everything seemed so foreign to me, but that wasn’t the ultimate embarrassment when it came to the uniforms…..the real insult came when you got your helmet. Anyone remember the “Roger Ramjet” helmets some of us were forced to wear?
We were never really a force to be reckoned with, that Freshmen team. I’m not even sure what our record was. I just remember learning that Coaches love to torture their players making them do endless jumping jacks, figure-eight rolls, and laps around the field. I remember thinking after that year, maybe I wasn’t really cut out for football and I wouldn’t go out next year when I was a Sophomore because all the guys in the older classes were so big and I was sure that I would be killed. I only told one person that….and the person I told would forever change the direction of my life.
Coach Michael...
It’s hard to forget the first time you meet the person who truly changed the course of your life. We all have a “fork in the road” somewhere in our lives where the choices we make alter the direction of where our lives go. And we all have friends or mentors who give us wisdom or provide guidance. For me, it came in the form of a person who not only became my mentor, but is now someone I see as a friend.
I was never really any good when it came to Science growing up…so when it came time to choose between Physical Science and General Science, I chose the one that meant I didn’t have to cut up dead frogs. I remember the first day walking into that room as if it was almost yesterday….the faces all seem so vivid now.
Mike Ambrose, Marcia Anderson, Connie Carver, Lenore Clarito, Les McNeely, Donnie Hannah….and sitting at the front of the class, the teacher. I remember thinking walking into that room…man that teacher can’t be much older than all of us, and for sure not taller. I wondered, listening to all that noise in the class before the bell, if this guy was going to be able to handle what seemed to be an unruly bunch.
The bell rang…and I heard these rather commanding words:
“Ladies and gents, please turn around, face the front and stop talking. I am Mr. Michael, this is General Science and if you aren’t supposed to be here, then you need to hit the door quickly, walk at a safe but speedy pace and be prepared with the excuse you will need to give the teacher”.
Deathly silence….no one moving.
“Good, then everyone is supposed to be here. I only have 3 rules for my class and if you follow them you will do fine here. One, be on time or if you are late you should have an excuse that would make me cry. Two, when I am talking, you aren’t. If you are and you don’t stop when I ask you to, then you might find yourself on the wrong end of my paddle or Mr. Shepherd’s paddle. And lastly, always be prepared by having your assignments done before you come to class. Follow these 3 rules and we will have a great year….don’t follow them and it will be a very long year for you.”
And true to his word…it was a great year. That class was fun, we learned, we laughed, we learned some more. There were days of intense studying and days when Donnie, Les and David Moss seemed to entertain the crowd with their antics and Mr. Michael would just make sure he contained the mayhem.
But it was the first day that is forever etched in my mind as to how special “Coach” Michael would become. You see, on my first day at Lewis Junior High School there was really only one downside to the day. In each one of my classes, as the teacher would call roll, they would call my name, stop and ask, “are you Randy Kilgore’s younger brother?” I would answer the proverbial, “yes, he is my older brother” and would get the “ah so I won’t have to worry about you will I.” (Just one time I wish I would have answered with something rather than yes)
Everyone knows the frustration of being labeled “someone’s younger sibling” when you are growing up. I didn’t begrudge my older brother who he was, I just wanted to be ME and for people to see me differently.
I remember it vividly….Coach Michael was going thru the roll…calling out each name. I was prepared for the question I had gotten so many times before. He got to my name….”Kilgore, Mark?” I acknowledged and prepared to answer as I had all day. Waiting for the next question I was for sure would be asked, all I heard next was “King, Shelley”.
I was stunned….no, actually pleased. The roll call continued, then was finished and class began. I don’t think I really heard much that day in his class.
For once….I was just me.
Freshman Year
I remember the first time I stepped off the bus at Lewis Junior High School….like most of us who came from Mosby I was a bit nervous about going to the much bigger school district. All my life there had been mostly my 14 fellow grade school classmates in our small country school. Now I was going to a school where my Freshmen classmates numbered more in the 350 to 400 range. And more chilling to me was that I assumed most of them already knew each other well. I was thinking how I just knew I was going to stick out and would be the proverbial foible to pranks by some of my new classmates.
But a funny thing happened on my way into school…you see, every Saturday morning from the time I was 6 and could pick up a bowling ball, my dad took my older brother Randy and I to bowl in the Prep/Junior bowling league at the old Y-Bowl. And there I had met and made friends who I had bowled with all those years. Imagine my relief when I saw several of those same people trudging into school recognizing me and saying “hello”. And it made it easier when a couple of those same people not only had a locker near me (especially since I had never encountered a locker before Junior High) but also had 1st Hour with me.
That first day seemed so surreal…the fears of being lost in the crowd subsided when, as I went to each new class, I was introduced to someone new. It seemed, for once, being the new kid in class actually was a good thing. There were no preconceived notions of who I was save for the teachers who were sure I would be like my older and much smarter brother Randy. (Boy were they wrong)
So here we were…the Class of ’74 in our Freshman year.
For some, like me, it was a year of big changes. For others, life was the same as always.
People who know me now cannot believe that when I was younger I was a shy young kid. I always drifted to the back of the crowd….hiding in fear of being recognized or ridiculed if I stood out or spoke up. When they ask me what changed that, I always blame several things….
Freshman Speech Class/Home Room.
Think back Class of ’74 members….if you had Ms. Reeves Speech Class our Freshman year and it was also your Home Room, you are responsible for my change from a shy young lad to the rather outgoing personality whom you see now. (I remember many of you so you can’t escape with a not guilty plea)
Well, that and Football/Baseball. But we can talk about those later.
You see, it was there that I lost my fear of being me, not just Randy Kilgore’s younger brother. And for that I am thankful….somehow, in all this new scenery I was just Mark.
It was there I made my very first Speech in front of class…by myself…knees knocking and all. And I neither threw up, nor ran from the room in fear. (I remember when I ran for Student Council Secretary in HS and had to give a speech in Assembly I used all the things we learned is Speech Class)
It was from that class that I got my very first important role in a school play. (Remember “Up The Down Staircase”?)
And it was in that class I got my very first threat to have my head dunked in the toilet.
I got my very first swat with a paddle from Mr. Shepherd when Shelby Smith and I fought over closing one of the windows on a cold Winter day. (And that wasn’t the only punishment I got that day for that transgression…but once again we can talk about that later)
But in reality it wasn’t really just the Speech Class….you all just built the foundation.
Freshman Sports…
We never really had any organized sports growing up in Mosby, save for the town baseball team that we all played in during the summer. So, imagine my bewilderment when I walked into the locker room to put on my practice pads for football.
First…I had never seen a real locker room, nor did I have a clue about what all the pads you had to wear as part of your uniform were for. (Found out the first day how important a cup and hip pads were)
We got all the leftover equipment from the Varsity squad, so you can imagine what a rag-tag group we looked like as we put on our uniforms. Sliding on everything seemed so foreign to me, but that wasn’t the ultimate embarrassment when it came to the uniforms…..the real insult came when you got your helmet. Anyone remember the “Roger Ramjet” helmets some of us were forced to wear?
We were never really a force to be reckoned with, that Freshmen team. I’m not even sure what our record was. I just remember learning that Coaches love to torture their players making them do endless jumping jacks, figure-eight rolls, and laps around the field. I remember thinking after that year, maybe I wasn’t really cut out for football and I wouldn’t go out next year when I was a Sophomore because all the guys in the older classes were so big and I was sure that I would be killed. I only told one person that….and the person I told would forever change the direction of my life.
Coach Michael...
It’s hard to forget the first time you meet the person who truly changed the course of your life. We all have a “fork in the road” somewhere in our lives where the choices we make alter the direction of where our lives go. And we all have friends or mentors who give us wisdom or provide guidance. For me, it came in the form of a person who not only became my mentor, but is now someone I see as a friend.
I was never really any good when it came to Science growing up…so when it came time to choose between Physical Science and General Science, I chose the one that meant I didn’t have to cut up dead frogs. I remember the first day walking into that room as if it was almost yesterday….the faces all seem so vivid now.
Mike Ambrose, Marcia Anderson, Connie Carver, Lenore Clarito, Les McNeely, Donnie Hannah….and sitting at the front of the class, the teacher. I remember thinking walking into that room…man that teacher can’t be much older than all of us, and for sure not taller. I wondered, listening to all that noise in the class before the bell, if this guy was going to be able to handle what seemed to be an unruly bunch.
The bell rang…and I heard these rather commanding words:
“Ladies and gents, please turn around, face the front and stop talking. I am Mr. Michael, this is General Science and if you aren’t supposed to be here, then you need to hit the door quickly, walk at a safe but speedy pace and be prepared with the excuse you will need to give the teacher”.
Deathly silence….no one moving.
“Good, then everyone is supposed to be here. I only have 3 rules for my class and if you follow them you will do fine here. One, be on time or if you are late you should have an excuse that would make me cry. Two, when I am talking, you aren’t. If you are and you don’t stop when I ask you to, then you might find yourself on the wrong end of my paddle or Mr. Shepherd’s paddle. And lastly, always be prepared by having your assignments done before you come to class. Follow these 3 rules and we will have a great year….don’t follow them and it will be a very long year for you.”
And true to his word…it was a great year. That class was fun, we learned, we laughed, we learned some more. There were days of intense studying and days when Donnie, Les and David Moss seemed to entertain the crowd with their antics and Mr. Michael would just make sure he contained the mayhem.
But it was the first day that is forever etched in my mind as to how special “Coach” Michael would become. You see, on my first day at Lewis Junior High School there was really only one downside to the day. In each one of my classes, as the teacher would call roll, they would call my name, stop and ask, “are you Randy Kilgore’s younger brother?” I would answer the proverbial, “yes, he is my older brother” and would get the “ah so I won’t have to worry about you will I.” (Just one time I wish I would have answered with something rather than yes)
Everyone knows the frustration of being labeled “someone’s younger sibling” when you are growing up. I didn’t begrudge my older brother who he was, I just wanted to be ME and for people to see me differently.
I remember it vividly….Coach Michael was going thru the roll…calling out each name. I was prepared for the question I had gotten so many times before. He got to my name….”Kilgore, Mark?” I acknowledged and prepared to answer as I had all day. Waiting for the next question I was for sure would be asked, all I heard next was “King, Shelley”.
I was stunned….no, actually pleased. The roll call continued, then was finished and class began. I don’t think I really heard much that day in his class.
For once….I was just me.
Footprints of My Life- The Final 10
An observation from my journey….
It was little more than a year ago I decided to start out on a journey that was sparked by a recommendation of a friend to seek out those who have molded and shaped my life over the years. Along the way I have learned a bit about myself and those whose paths I have crossed. At times I have been reminded me that I could have been better friend to some and other times I have been reminded that I let some into my life that did not allow me to show “my better angel”.
Reminiscing about all the good things that have happened in your life is the easy part…reminiscing about when you were wrong or where you wronged is tougher on the soul. Sometimes those mistakes are made out of an honest lack of knowledge and sometimes we just don’t think before we do. It’s the latter that has the deepest cut and most usually are the hardest to forgive no matter whether they are recent or are mistakes from a long time ago. Sometimes saying you are sorry to someone or having someone say they are sorry isn’t really the aloe of life…and you realize that forgiveness is something that may never happen.
I think that is the lesson that was hardest for me to learn….forgiveness is something that may never come or that you may find hardest to give! In my youth I let anger fester and grow when I felt wronged….with family, with friends and mostly with those I saw as enemies. But yet I always expected that forgiveness when I had done something wrong no matter whom it was. As I have gotten older/wiser(?) I have found that having a hard heart toward others that may have wronged me only ages me…not those who may have committed the wrong. And continuing to carry it in my heart does me no good. But that does not exempt me from seeking forgiveness when I have made my mistakes…so here goes:
To all my family, friends and others who have crossed my path of life…there were times that I said something wrong/hurtful/spiteful…times that I did something in my heart that I knew was wrong…or just times I forgot you were there and may have needed me. I want to ask for your forgiveness and let you know I will try harder to be better whether or not we ever meet in person again. I will seek to show my “better angel” when I am with others…and remind myself to forgive others in the same manner I wish to be forgiven.
It was little more than a year ago I decided to start out on a journey that was sparked by a recommendation of a friend to seek out those who have molded and shaped my life over the years. Along the way I have learned a bit about myself and those whose paths I have crossed. At times I have been reminded me that I could have been better friend to some and other times I have been reminded that I let some into my life that did not allow me to show “my better angel”.
Reminiscing about all the good things that have happened in your life is the easy part…reminiscing about when you were wrong or where you wronged is tougher on the soul. Sometimes those mistakes are made out of an honest lack of knowledge and sometimes we just don’t think before we do. It’s the latter that has the deepest cut and most usually are the hardest to forgive no matter whether they are recent or are mistakes from a long time ago. Sometimes saying you are sorry to someone or having someone say they are sorry isn’t really the aloe of life…and you realize that forgiveness is something that may never happen.
I think that is the lesson that was hardest for me to learn….forgiveness is something that may never come or that you may find hardest to give! In my youth I let anger fester and grow when I felt wronged….with family, with friends and mostly with those I saw as enemies. But yet I always expected that forgiveness when I had done something wrong no matter whom it was. As I have gotten older/wiser(?) I have found that having a hard heart toward others that may have wronged me only ages me…not those who may have committed the wrong. And continuing to carry it in my heart does me no good. But that does not exempt me from seeking forgiveness when I have made my mistakes…so here goes:
To all my family, friends and others who have crossed my path of life…there were times that I said something wrong/hurtful/spiteful…times that I did something in my heart that I knew was wrong…or just times I forgot you were there and may have needed me. I want to ask for your forgiveness and let you know I will try harder to be better whether or not we ever meet in person again. I will seek to show my “better angel” when I am with others…and remind myself to forgive others in the same manner I wish to be forgiven.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
To Emily on her 18th Birthday
11 Thoughts for you Now That You Are An Adult
It seems like only yesterday I was sitting here in the same spot putting together my message to you on the eve of your 16th birthday. I remember the sadness I was feeling as I realized that you had grown up and were entering a new phase in your life.
Since then so much has happened in your life….you have grown into a beautiful young lady. And to some extent you have emerged from your shell to take on things I never thought you would.
But here we are, just a couple of years later, and you are entering the next phase of your life. Today is your 18th birthday and now, legally, you become an adult. With that comes so many great opportunities…..but with those opportunities also comes some great responsibilities.
From this point forward your Mom and I won’t be making all of your decisions for you. Yes, while you still live at home we will guide you through many of the decisions that you need to make as you prepare your journey to college. But once you leave the nest, you will be faced with making so many of the simple daily decisions that up to this point have been ours. We have prepared you as best we could…..now it is up to you.
Having said that I wanted to take my last opportunity to impart to you some things I want you to know as you take your first steps as an adult. Over your lifetime there will be things that you come to your mom and I to seek advice for, but for now, these are the things I want you to know:
• You are a Strong Christian Woman Don’t Let Anyone Change That- Your Mom and I are so proud of the strong young Christian woman you have become. But as you leave the nest and venture into the world as a young adult you will find your beliefs challenged and at times ridiculed. Remember what you have always been taught….when you speak with others about your faith, do it in love and with the example that Christ set for us.
• Believe in God’s Miracles- I know that the world will tell you there are no such things, but never believe them. You are a living proof of God’s miraculous wonder. When all of medicine was telling your mom and I that our only chance to have children was to adopt, we kept our faith that God had his plan and he brought you into our lives.
• Pay It Forward- Remind yourself that somewhere along the line in your life someone did something for you that greatly changed your life positively. The best way to repay their kindness is to perform the same type of charitable act. It can be the simplest act and yet can have the greatest impact on that person.
• 1st Corinthians 13- You have probably had this read to you so many times you might remember it by heart. But remember these passages the most:
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.
• Your Body Is Your Temple- Any young man worthy of your heart will wait and will honor your boundaries. If he doesn’t, no matter how good looking and kind he may be, he isn’t the right person. Listen to your heart, God will tell you when the right man comes into your life.
• Life Comes With an “Owners Manual” - Contrary to what many will tell you, life does come with an “owners manual”…it’s call the Bible. Read it through and learn it well, for it will help you “make repairs” throughout your life. Pay special attention to the chapter that contains the part they call “The Ten Commandments”. Some people use them as suggestions….I say they are guideposts.
• Accept Failure- At some point in your life you will fail at something and how you handle that adversity will show how you have matured. But you will find it is the failures that keep you humble, will make you stronger and help push you to succeed.
• Sometimes You Will Be Wrong- Always stand your ground when you are right, but there will be times that you will be wrong. Being able to admit you are wrong and accept your mistakes shows a level of maturity.
• Sing Like No One Is Listening, Dance Like No One is Watching- Sometimes the greatest joys in life happen when you remind yourself to enjoy life without acting too “grown-up”. Remind yourself to act like a child when you are at DisneyWorld…stop somewhere with your friends and sing in public…..and take time to dance in the rain.
• The Day You Leave for College Will Be The Happiest Day of Your Life- But for me it will be it will be so much different. I will be smiling on the outside but inside I will be falling apart. I promise that while we are around your new friends/roommates I will be strong. When it’s time to leave, I cannot promise you anything. And remember…no matter how excited you are to be at college one last hug will make my drive home a little easier to handle.
• Remember These 7 Things- I borrowed this list from a blog by Matt Jacobson, but they cover what I have always told you from the time I first sang you to sleep:
I Love You
From the moment you were born and I held you in my arms you have always had my heart. And until I breathe my last breath on this earth my heart will always be yours.
You Are Beautiful
The world won’t tell you this, not without an ulterior motive. Most of the time the world will tell you that you aren’t. Or that you just don’t measure up, are too this, or not enough that.
You are beautiful just as you are and I wouldn’t want you to change a thing about yourself.
You are a wonderful young lady and being around you lights up my world
Some of my best memories are the little things in life…like a ride in my truck, or sitting and watching a movie cuddled up on the sofa together. If you only knew how just being around you makes my life so much better.
I am always here for you
I have always been here for you….and just because you have grown up doesn’t mean I won’t be there for you still. Watch how fast I come when you need me.
I Will Always Seek to Protect You
Just because you are grown doesn’t mean I won’t still have the instinct to protect. Just know I am always going to look out for your best interests.
I Will Provide For You
Life at times will be a challenge and when that happens, you just need to remember that your mother and I will provide for you. Sometimes it may be advice or material goods….and sometimes it will be money.
God Loves You and Has A Special Purpose for You
You need to know and believe that you are special. God has created you as a unique individual who is designed to glorify Him with the many wonderful abilities and gifts that He has given to you.
Well, there it is….my 11 things I need to tell you as you enter adulthood. It is by no means an all-encompassing list but it is a start.
As you travel down this new path remember that no matter where you are I am only a phone call away, and always as near as your heart.
Happy 18th Birthday Emily!
Love,
Dad
It seems like only yesterday I was sitting here in the same spot putting together my message to you on the eve of your 16th birthday. I remember the sadness I was feeling as I realized that you had grown up and were entering a new phase in your life.
Since then so much has happened in your life….you have grown into a beautiful young lady. And to some extent you have emerged from your shell to take on things I never thought you would.
But here we are, just a couple of years later, and you are entering the next phase of your life. Today is your 18th birthday and now, legally, you become an adult. With that comes so many great opportunities…..but with those opportunities also comes some great responsibilities.
From this point forward your Mom and I won’t be making all of your decisions for you. Yes, while you still live at home we will guide you through many of the decisions that you need to make as you prepare your journey to college. But once you leave the nest, you will be faced with making so many of the simple daily decisions that up to this point have been ours. We have prepared you as best we could…..now it is up to you.
Having said that I wanted to take my last opportunity to impart to you some things I want you to know as you take your first steps as an adult. Over your lifetime there will be things that you come to your mom and I to seek advice for, but for now, these are the things I want you to know:
• You are a Strong Christian Woman Don’t Let Anyone Change That- Your Mom and I are so proud of the strong young Christian woman you have become. But as you leave the nest and venture into the world as a young adult you will find your beliefs challenged and at times ridiculed. Remember what you have always been taught….when you speak with others about your faith, do it in love and with the example that Christ set for us.
• Believe in God’s Miracles- I know that the world will tell you there are no such things, but never believe them. You are a living proof of God’s miraculous wonder. When all of medicine was telling your mom and I that our only chance to have children was to adopt, we kept our faith that God had his plan and he brought you into our lives.
• Pay It Forward- Remind yourself that somewhere along the line in your life someone did something for you that greatly changed your life positively. The best way to repay their kindness is to perform the same type of charitable act. It can be the simplest act and yet can have the greatest impact on that person.
• 1st Corinthians 13- You have probably had this read to you so many times you might remember it by heart. But remember these passages the most:
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.
• Your Body Is Your Temple- Any young man worthy of your heart will wait and will honor your boundaries. If he doesn’t, no matter how good looking and kind he may be, he isn’t the right person. Listen to your heart, God will tell you when the right man comes into your life.
• Life Comes With an “Owners Manual” - Contrary to what many will tell you, life does come with an “owners manual”…it’s call the Bible. Read it through and learn it well, for it will help you “make repairs” throughout your life. Pay special attention to the chapter that contains the part they call “The Ten Commandments”. Some people use them as suggestions….I say they are guideposts.
• Accept Failure- At some point in your life you will fail at something and how you handle that adversity will show how you have matured. But you will find it is the failures that keep you humble, will make you stronger and help push you to succeed.
• Sometimes You Will Be Wrong- Always stand your ground when you are right, but there will be times that you will be wrong. Being able to admit you are wrong and accept your mistakes shows a level of maturity.
• Sing Like No One Is Listening, Dance Like No One is Watching- Sometimes the greatest joys in life happen when you remind yourself to enjoy life without acting too “grown-up”. Remind yourself to act like a child when you are at DisneyWorld…stop somewhere with your friends and sing in public…..and take time to dance in the rain.
• The Day You Leave for College Will Be The Happiest Day of Your Life- But for me it will be it will be so much different. I will be smiling on the outside but inside I will be falling apart. I promise that while we are around your new friends/roommates I will be strong. When it’s time to leave, I cannot promise you anything. And remember…no matter how excited you are to be at college one last hug will make my drive home a little easier to handle.
• Remember These 7 Things- I borrowed this list from a blog by Matt Jacobson, but they cover what I have always told you from the time I first sang you to sleep:
I Love You
From the moment you were born and I held you in my arms you have always had my heart. And until I breathe my last breath on this earth my heart will always be yours.
You Are Beautiful
The world won’t tell you this, not without an ulterior motive. Most of the time the world will tell you that you aren’t. Or that you just don’t measure up, are too this, or not enough that.
You are beautiful just as you are and I wouldn’t want you to change a thing about yourself.
You are a wonderful young lady and being around you lights up my world
Some of my best memories are the little things in life…like a ride in my truck, or sitting and watching a movie cuddled up on the sofa together. If you only knew how just being around you makes my life so much better.
I am always here for you
I have always been here for you….and just because you have grown up doesn’t mean I won’t be there for you still. Watch how fast I come when you need me.
I Will Always Seek to Protect You
Just because you are grown doesn’t mean I won’t still have the instinct to protect. Just know I am always going to look out for your best interests.
I Will Provide For You
Life at times will be a challenge and when that happens, you just need to remember that your mother and I will provide for you. Sometimes it may be advice or material goods….and sometimes it will be money.
God Loves You and Has A Special Purpose for You
You need to know and believe that you are special. God has created you as a unique individual who is designed to glorify Him with the many wonderful abilities and gifts that He has given to you.
Well, there it is….my 11 things I need to tell you as you enter adulthood. It is by no means an all-encompassing list but it is a start.
As you travel down this new path remember that no matter where you are I am only a phone call away, and always as near as your heart.
Happy 18th Birthday Emily!
Love,
Dad
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